Showing posts with label Lonely. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Lonely. Show all posts

Saturday, July 19, 2025

Independence

Autonomous

I’ll call it love
because this one
stayed ’til morning.

She must not have
had a place to sleep;
need and loneliness
often end up
drunk and naked
in the same bed.

When they finally leave
I always try to tell myself
that I am a lucky man;
no woman to nag me
and spend my money.

Independence
is what the lonely
tattoo on the back of their necks
to make it seem like a choice.

I don’t really remember
what it is like to be part of a “we”
that lasts longer
than the inevitable hangover.

I suppose some truths
are much less
self-evident
than others.

SMG


CombatWords!: Combatwords for July 1, 2011: Independence: "Combatwords for July 1, 2011: Independence If I was rich, I'd be stalked by the hungry suits, craving my signature. I would ride the taxi—..."

Friday, November 8, 2024

Booze

Booze


Oh
to worship
at the altar
of drunken
abandon.

Confess
your sins,
and revel
in liquid
Absolut(ion).

There
is salvation
in intoxication,
for I am 10 feet tall
at 100 proof!

SMG

Wednesday, February 22, 2017

Tallahassee


Tallahassee

When the hands of the clock
are flipping you off,
its face a twisted smile,
and escape to the bottle
has drowned the words
that once intoxicated you.

When lust is merely a metaphor,
love a long distance call
and your voice has turned
to autumn leaves
that crackle under foot.

That is when the night
becomes only darkness
and the call of that bottle
fills the spaces in between
the sunlight.

SMG

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Sometimes there’s just no poetry and...

Sometimes there’s just no poetry
and…

you sit and watch the clock and the
steady movement of the hands slo-
wly reach  out  in search  of a drink
is  as  close  to  love as  you can  get
lost in the faces of strangers as they
pass  by  on  the  street signs speak
foreign words and  remind  you of
how far you are from home is only
a memory fading like bright colors
in the sun faints  again  at the  app-
roach of the darkness does not care
that you are alone in this room wat-
ch
ing the hands of the clock.


SMG

Friday, April 5, 2013

Layover

Layover

I met her in the lobby bar of a hotel
down by the airport in LA. It was
the kind of place you end up when
your choices are like a game of
“Would You Rather?”

An exchange of pleasantries evolved
into sad stories about business trips
and missed connections. She told me
she was getting a divorce and out here
looking for a new start. Why not? I thought,
sadness always looks better with a tan
and a good pair of sunglasses.

She told me she dreamed in pastels
which struck me as odd, because
she only spoke in primary colors
like pain and regret.

I asked her if she wanted to come
up to my room and she looked down
as if she had dropped something
under the bar. She mumbled something,
looked up and I could see the resignation
in her smile.

Murmured protestations often proceed
to surrender in dim resolve of night
as the alcohol and feel of another’s flesh
dull the ache.

“What did she say her name was?”

SMG

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Slow Learner

 
Slow Learner

I hate mornings after!
My mouth tastes
like a Manhattan
sidewalk
and my head
throbs with
every beat of my heart.
Mornings after
are a time
for inventory,
counting and recounting
the drunkenness, debauchery,
and stupidity
that define
my social life.
Mornings after
smell of spilled booze,
stale cigarettes,
and the perfume
of cheap bar girls
passed out in the bedroom.
Mornings after
sting like a ruler
across the knuckles,
wielded by
Sister Barely Tolerant,
correcting me in ethics class.
Mornings after
serve as a harsh reminder
of what excess can lead to.
Somehow those lessons
never come to mind
on nights before.

SMG

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Click Clique Cliché

Click Clique Cliché

Right, left, double and drag
or is it cylinder and hammer?
Perhaps a door latch closing;
only the potential for pain
makes it a scary sound.

A group of individuals
(including you, excluding me)
which is used as a standard by which
to (speciously) evaluate
attitudes (clothes),
abilities (looks),
or current situations (money).
As a reference group it can be
either normative (oppressive)
or comparative (judgmental).

With every fiber of my being,
I long to be with you again.
My heart aches and my soul cries out,
for I am nothing without you.

Left click drag,
highlight,
right click,
delete.

Hammer cock/
Cylinder rotate

*(Re-print from The (&) Ampersand Vol. III)

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Walk in the Park

Walk in the Park

Leafless
black-brown
branches
cut across the sky
like cracks
in the canopy.
They strobe light
the December sun
along the brittle white path.
Central Park
in winter
is staid
and sorrowful;
the cold empty heart
of New York.

SMG

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Search for Comparison

Search for Comparison

I can't find a metaphor
for life, love, hate or death,
a cab in the Manhattan rain,
or a cresting wave in Kansas.

I desperately need a metaphor
for lies and truths, wants and wishes,
a star for navigation through the night,
a thunderstorm on a sun parched face.

Tonight I crave a metaphor
for God and angels, for heaven or the cross,
like a starving man at a kitchen window
drooling over others' food in vain.

I haven't any left, no metaphors
no joy, only sadness, abandoned by my muse,
a fish flopping aimlessly in the sand,
a sorrowful dog standing on a country road.

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Exponential Memories

Exponential Memories

I am 8 and my grandmother
tries to hold my hand
as we step from the curb.
Defiant, I pull my hand
away from her protective grasp
and strut across the street.
She understands and lets me go.

I am 18 and she calls to see
if I can come by and help her
retrieve some old things
from the rafters of the garage.
Irritated, I make an excuse,
lie, and tell her that I am
already late for work.

I am 28 and I find a letter
written by my grandmother
amongst the grocery coupons
and credit card bills. She wants
me to know she is proud of me
and happy that I’ve found someone
to love. I think about calling her.  

I am 38 and I knock on her door
and wonder where she could be
in the middle of the afternoon.
Incapacitated; she never answers.
betrayed by a small blood vessel
in her brain, she lies motionless
in the back bedroom unable to cry out.

I am 48 years old, sitting alone
in the dark. I long for a hand to hold
or a loving voice, on the other end
of the phone, that is just happy I called.
I think of when we listened to the Beatles
and the many times we played catch
because my father was just too busy.

SMG

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Leaving New York

Leaving New York

Walking home, ,
Friday evening of another long week;
in New York we measure misery
in Fahrenheit and empty bottles.
One hundred eighty two weekends lost,
and six more to go before I wash off
this subway grime forever.
Wednesday’s snow has gone grey
and the sidewalks are a slush
puddle slalom and controlled slide.
Fresh bottle in hand, I watched
a small boy with his father in tow.
He ninja kicked his way down the sidewalk,
superhero joy on his face, oblivious
to the city and all of its hard edges.
I wonder if I’m really ready to leave.

, Insomnia fueled,
coffee nicotine run in snow flurries
and a razorblade wind.
Hopeful young women,
Saturday nights make-up smeared
by Sunday morning, stumble out of walk-ups
toward the subway steps.
The city spits them out,
back to Jersey and Long Island,
like gum chewed past the point of flavor.
New York is a ponzi scheme of promise,
reliant on wide eyes and fresh blood.
In the shelter of a doorway I lit my first
and watched the sun gradually burn
its way across Twenty Third Street.
I wonder if I’m really ready
for a lifetime of sunsets.

SMG

Sunday, March 6, 2011

Another Hotel Room

Another Hotel Room

Four and half months on the road
and loneliness finally caught me
stole into my room,
sat at the foot of my bed
and shook me from a fitful sleep.
Her stethoscope cold touch
pulled what remained of my self respect
out through my chest into the night air.
When the panic finally wore off
I fell back to sleep at peace
with the idea that at least
she would never leave me.

SMG

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Accidental Urbanite

Accidental Urbanite

How to withdraw a gaze
from a landscape carved in neon,
where the moon shines in the gutter and love.
How to withdraw the smile of  words; that
birthplace of something buried, yet shed
but for graveyard conversation
of day breaking bread men and garbage collectors.
How to reverse any kind of sky
into light So flight might linger time
into an outpost of slow
where patience is an elegance
to those in the know.
How to, when electronic words
only tell him their surface
lean his lead into the crystal listening
of her immeasurable water and mind
to spend the week looking downward
as skin traders whisper by fingertips,
Would that she waken to a brothel of the blind,
so the biggest mistakes make of themselves
a high-rise beyond understanding.
How to Injure Friday Immeasurably…
when paranoia and inadequacy intervene.
The title clung to the lap
like a consolation prize; an oblique enumeration
of chiasmus, his disguise.
Not a poet, not an intellectual, but of tar
brick and steel, the heart really thinks its stinks
at subtlety…
An accidental urbanite of a countryside
tackled of its voice; he could not swallow
the breath of its brushed incredible beauty,
only his fear mounted  panic of the
cut-out to leave her intact.  Woken,
he could not return her to where she was before: to
rewind time for her and shore to the good
of cockiness snuffed the note pinned to
her deep and of his leaving: “I am as advertised – shattered.”
Now he could not stay in the room with her mouth
and hear in every phoneme that he wronged her so,
that he should have trusted her. How, that he waters
his never, the shade of scatter in the Sundays of her
that mattered, for if her Bouche were a zip
by the night sky’s  unraveling.
Her well being is God in the waiting.

So my hectic week continues and today my friend @m_blanc_ is guest posting. If you are unfamiliar with her or her poetry blog The Baobab Papers you should check it out soon. She also has some fabulous audio recordings here and an excellent essay here.

Sunday, February 13, 2011

What's Left Behind

What's Left Behind

I read the note,
though it was not
addressed to me.
I saw it laying
on the ground
amidst the rotted
timber and rusty
nails of a structure
no longer standing.
I’m not sure how
it came to be there
but the words
spoke to me from
the yellowed paper.

I sat for a while
with the iron
and wood debris
as I thought about
what it said:

“When I woke up this morning I couldn’t remember why I was here so I think it’s time to go. I know I loved you once but the wind has changed direction and I need to follow it. I wish you all the best but I understand if you can’t return the favor”


I dropped the note
back to the ground
and left it with
the bent reminders
of what had stood
in this place.


When the afternoon sun
began to pull a few beads

of sweat from my brow
I continued on my way.
There was a nice breeze blowing
and I longed to follow it.


SMG 

Friday, January 21, 2011

Two New Yorks

Two New Yorks

Punch drunk
Pedestrians
pinball
down Broadway
and Seventh
all bobble heads
and silly smiles.

Eyes skyward
they clog
the crosswalk
from 37th
to 49th Street.

Mawkish
expressions betray
their two story lives
and slow histories.

Tourists
will never
know the hurt
or the heartbreak
that walks
the four hundred
year old
sidewalks
of Manhattan.

Times Square
maybe Disney
light but the real
New York
is a cautionary tale.

To all would-be
dancers, actors
and writers;
don’t believe
too much
and never
let the city see you cry.

SMG

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Los Angeles to New York

Los Angeles to New York

Varicose veins
scar the landscape;
reminders of rivers
long since dead.
Burnt sienna
and raw umber
scraped across
the desiccated canvas
by a laughing god
with a palette knife
and dirty brushes.

Fascinated eyes
survey the wasteland
through Boeing glass
and the relative cool
of thirty-five thousand feet.
They will find no Jews
wandering in this wilderness
only the occasional
Navajo dust trail set free
by an old pick-up truck.

SMG

Monday, October 4, 2010

Excruciating Atoms

Excruciating Atoms

I tried
to calculate
the weight of sorrow;
break it down
to its component parts.

Duplicate fermions
were assumed
to be irrelevant
based on Pauli’s spin.
Intrinsic angular
momentums
were observed
and each element
was cataloged
and classified.

Heartbreak (Hb7)
was a constant
as was Loss (Gn3)
and its partner
Pain (Ow4).

Each
excruciating atom
was taken into account
right down to the quark.

The final analysis
determined
that up and down,
charm and strange
failed to add up
to the collective mass
required to account
for this leaden feeling
in my chest.

Friday, September 17, 2010

A Hard Fall

Tepid,
neutral grey
and awash in
September tears.
Buildings stained
with the filth
of the last one
hundred years.
The heart of the city
is stainless steel
and does not
love the broken
or the weak
hearted.

SMG