A phone rings in the darknessof a Tuesday night and I
raise my glass and whisper,
“please leave a message at the tone”
I am chasing heart failure in bathtub
or aspirated vomit on a toilet seat,
but I might be a few corrosives short.
The footsteps outside my window
continue to come and go, but they
only motivate me to turn up the radio
and crack another tax stamp.
You told me once that all things
have a beginning as well as an end,
and I laughed at your pessimism.
As I sit here alone on the crest
of Wednesday morning crash
I can’t remember why
I thought that was funny.
SMG
*(excerpt from "Another Hotel Room)
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24 comments:
I loved the flow of this.. choppy, but then smoothed out at certain parts to bring it together. Nice.
this is one of my favorites in your book steven (have read it many, many times) - i love the flow - the honesty - the atmosphere - the mood - the loneliness..and the ending is powerful
The overwhelming movement is loneliness - the phone in the darkness, drinking alone, alien footsteps heard outside but never stopping - and a grasp of something that's been lost. Great poem, sir.
You set the mood for me right away, I could picture someone sarcastically saying...leave a message..and you continued to capture me throughout the poem. A great reflection of the emptiness after a breakup.. xo
Tonight will be more of the same...
Steven - conveys life at the bottom of the bottle
Thanks for the One Shot
Moon Smiles
Resonating with this, like I do with all of your stuff (that I've seen!)
Very fascinating how you write Steven...reminds me of something..oh yeah harsh reality ;)...well done! ~April
the loneliness and the anticipation for what would not happen , that is kinda harsh but true..loved the sarcastic yet deeply sad tune here..the phone image is just too perfect! brilliant one shot..REREADING over again..;)
this is straight up strong stuff...
rough Wednesday morning comin' up
but hey, it's hump day :)
Laughter on the rocks... resounds a maddening laughter I imagine hearing when reading. Given the scene, prompts me to consider the actions of the speaker might consider the situation as a joke on him. Intense.
The flow worked well for me. It definitely fits in with the poem you posted yesterday. I felt the pain...the sadness. Perhaps a bit of despair at the end. Well done!
This poem made me tilt me head to the side in a gesture of melancholy, and contemplation. Beautiful.
The scene is sad, lonely with tempered desperation. You depict this so well. Your words and the flow are perfect.
This poem made me tilt me head to the side in a gesture of melancholy, and contemplation. Beautiful.
i really like the inner evaluation in that last statement. it grabs the attention...and brings memories...and perhaps a warning in the lonliness...
The ebb and flow is what makes this work so well. Words placed delicately revealing harsh images. I like it. But I am also a stickler for authenticity. This has heaps of reality. Well done.
i thought this was great...just great...nothing more, nothing less...just great..cheers pete
Beautiful flow and the anticipations.. captured me. I liked it...
Thanks for sharing
ॐ नमः शिवाय
Om Namah Shivaya
Twitter: @VerseEveryDay
Blog: http://shadowdancingwithmind.blogspot.com
Harsh, unapologetic look at reality--what life can be for many, hard a thing as it is. Flows nicely, very immersive, for all the pain. Powerful composition.
you may not like the blues,
but this is singin' it, baby.
Effective imagery, sharp.
Excellent! Great style, great voice, awesome poem. Vividly painted scene.
incredible.
reminds me of "The cars hiss by my window" by the doors.. a seedy room, probably uncleaned in weeks, a bottle or two.. unopened mail & a muggy feeling in the temples.. very evocative write..
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