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At Last: Babylon
I told you I would write;
but morning after promises
rarely make it to sunset.
On a night before,
we wrestled in the sands
along the Euphrates
in an awkward exchange
of vodka nicotine kisses;
ebb and flow. You lied
and said I was your first
but Darius and Alexander
had left their marks
long before I tasted
your fetid waters.
Harlot that you were,
I loved you, even
as your gardens withered
and the sands began
to devour your beauty.
When I saw the writing
on your bedroom wall
I ran for the Tigris
afraid of the imminent
devastation of you--
of us.
I made for Lagash
without a backward glance.
With the thunder shake,
and screams in my ear,
I found my way to safety,
and the pure waters of home.
I know my missive is late
but I carried it by hand.
A promise kept,
if only to your memory
and the shifting sand.
SMG
26 comments:
WOW. Nice one shot. Great share. Love and Light, Sender
that was wicked cool. some great lines...before i tasted your fetid waters...excellent one shot!
Interesting - could be a woman or a nation before it's fall.
Loved the weaving of history
Great One Shot
Moon Smiles
Delicious...and that look in her eyes belies the cross on her forehead--yes, we know what she is!
Love the allusions and the way you wrote this. Fantastic poem and the line "I made for Lagash /
without a backward glance" = pure music. Cheers
Events appear different when the daylight comes.
Excellent!
"..but morning after promises rarely make it to sunset." - that was so brilliant. It's a condensed epic poetic tale and I really enjoyed it.
I found this to be beautifully written.
The transience, the recoiling -- powerful images here. Good one, sir.
Sometimes promises kept late are better. Nice write, Steven!
I'm a sucker for a good close and you tied the promise and the departing end well. Excellent:)
-J.
Amazing writing with such an impressive flow of words. Captivating!
WOW..i am speechless..felt savage beats in my heart..i love this one,so flowing..raw..exotic beauty! EXCELLENT one shot..:))
Thanks for the feedback everyone!
that was a fantastic piece...really enjoyed it..you wrote some great lines here...i loved the way you linked in the past with the present, and for me vodka nicotine kisses was a great piece..cheers for one shot pete
Geez, all I said was, "Do you want me to fix you breakfast?"
Kidding aside, from the clever title down through the exotic and charged poem itself, this is a sexy, unsettling, poignant ride.
Great One Shot. I know I am late on my responses this week, but just like my response, better late than never in your poem. A beautiful poem, you captured the distance piece in which, things can change. But the promise was still kept, and that is important.
Beautiful
keep writing,
check out short story slam today. hope to see your participation.
This is why there is whisky in Ny
amazing piece.
thanks for the yummy treat.
I dig it :)
happy gooseberry day
http://lynnaima.wordpress.com/2011/09/25/karmic-disobedience/
Oh, this was incredible! Excellent write.
An excellent write and an enjoyable read.
If not, one of your best yet. Fabulous writing...
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