Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Sad Girl on an Uptown Train

Sad Girl on an Uptown Train

It was just
another subway
Monday morning
as the city and I
shook off
the weekend.
The rustle
of newspaper
hide and seek
was muted
by MP3 players
and the steady click
of BlackBerry thumbs.

She wedged in
from the 28th Street
platform, wrapped
in wool and leather,
her hair tousled
by an unfair wind.
The sorrow she wore
did not go well
with Louis Vuitton
so I painted a smile
on her face with my eyes,
and loved her all the way
to 77th Street.

26 comments:

Timoteo said...

Maybe she was sad because she just got ripped off by Louis Vuitton...

What an exquisite ending...what a wide grin I'm wearing...a prime example of why I love poetry.

forpuck said...

Nice, although I am probably reading it as more aggressive than the previous commentator.

Steven Marty Grant said...

I was going for the lusty “loved” but it comes off as sweet and harmless.

Steve said...

I love the straightforward, familiar-yet-fresh descriptions and oh-so-relatable end-sentiment. I've read three poems that really grabbed me, in "unholy cow, that rocks" way - I favor sparse-wordage work - and this is one of them.

To quote Timoteo, ". . . a prime example of why I love poetry." (I can't say it any better than he said it, so I'm not going to try, this time!)

Brian Miller said...

nice. love meeting people on the train...and anytime you can paint a smile on their face all the better...nice one shot!

signed...bkm said...

Very nice...and understand the whole feeling of seeing someone and just for a little while you know them and that moment becomes an eternity....nice one shot...bkm

One Stop - The Place For Poets, Writers & Artists said...

I love how a life can be imagined on a train ride.

Great imaginings by a wonderful poet

Thanks for sharing with One Shot

moon smiles

dustus said...

You create the scene clear down to the texting taps, and then end so creatively, unexpectedly. Imaginative and a great write!

Maureen said...

Great details. I particularly like how you concluded.

Asobime said...

I like this very much...the sparsity of it, almost minimalism....but the imagery is dense~

I miss, living in the South...the subways...and the possibilities of interchange between people. This was a lovely visit back there.

I'm laughing with Timoteo....about the crack about Vuitton. LOL~!

Lady Nyo (also called Asobimi at one time)

Beachanny said...

This makes me ache for a city; I miss this thing so much--in London, in New York, in Boston, Montreal; you're in love for six subway stops. You shift, change or grab seats and sometimes without painting it, the frown becomes a smile, and even a word. Well done. Thanks, Gay @beachanny

Glynn said...

I love the simplicity of this, the story it tells, and all the detail that you don't realize is there until the second or third reading.

gospelwriter said...

Love the ordinary story your poem tells in such an extraordinary way - and the ending just blew me away. Beautiful!

Chris G. said...

Unexpected ending--imaginative piece, the whole way through! Simple yet detailed, and wholly beautiful. Well done.

ChristeeneFraser said...

Ah, subway lust, lol. What New Yorker hasn't had this exact thought about someone at some point? Wonderful. I love the line about the train shaking off the weekend.

gautami tripathy said...

For a short while those fellow travellers become so real for us..

the middles makes it

Eric Alder said...

I once wrote a haiku about a brief encounter I had with a girl on a New York subway train:

Subway chivalry
I picked up the books she dropped
Spanish smile thanked me


The girl said that she was glad to see that chivalry was not dead. And I loved her, if only for that moment.

Claudia said...

glad you loved her with your eyes to the 77th street - that probably made her day
love this poem - love the picture you paint, the monday morning, the blackberry thumbs, the unfair wind
you are fantastic with words!

Leo said...

wonderful poem.. good that you could paint a smile on her face! :) lovely one shot..!

My One Shot!

Desert Rose said...

i like this one, raw unique and direct flowness gave it firm beauty..i always melt in the crowd this way and tell stories of anonymous faces in my head, waiting with a hot coffee in hand and wearing a warm smile in a colder day..loved the familiarity :)

Belinda said...

Fantastic ending! It would've been so easy to leave her be in her sorrow and LV.

Terresa said...

This poem speaks of a love I know, minute by minute, the faces, the places, and words...all of it, this life.

The ache, the thrall of seeing someone, falling into love/lust in a hot minute and then it's gone. Only poetry could capture such a thing, and you have, quite perfectly.
Love this One Shot.

Mama Zen said...

What a great ending!

Shashi said...

That is so new and loved the style.. I wish you could have shared the painted smile with her too so that you did not have to love her only all the way but off the way too... I enjoyed it so much...

ॐ नमः शिवाय
Om Namah Shivaya
I will great if you connect with me at Twitter @VerseEveryDay to read daily #FreeHaiku on love, life and longing

Pete Marshall said...

that was so well written an, date i say it, i could so see myself on that train watching a pretty face, trying to catch their eye, and being, quite frankly, a bloke!!!! really enjoyable read...cheers pete

Eden Baylee said...

Simply beautiful.
eden