Thoughts From a Decaying Age
by Pete Marshall
Edits by Steven Marty Grant
Let us live life
on the far shores
as yet untouched
and free of human law,
where all who live
are gentle like the deer,
the lamb and the orchid.
On an island paradise
these dreams will be our
fantasies un-realized;
for mankind destroys
all that stands
in stoic opposition
to his lust; his greed.
The ice crystals of science,
orphans of a world at war
and lost but devoted religious
will rule the gentle beasts
as the world crumbles.
Let despot blood flow
throughout the valley
and stain the land
violated by tyranny.
The scorched earth
and barren sands,
where oaks once stood
amongst dichondra and lilies,
will mark the battlefield;
the Alamo , the Waterloo
of nature’s resistance.
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2 comments:
I didn't re-write his poem (as perhaps he wanted? - but I already have my weekend post up so couldn't do so) but I left my critique on his blog in comments. I prefer this version. You make a lot more changes than I suggested. Great re-write. I do have my very first sonnet up on my blog however if you'd like to critique it?
http://wordsinsync.blogspot.com/2011/03/weekend-creation-blog-hop-7.html
I'd also love it if you'd link up on my blo hop to your creative blog.
Shah .X
Steve I left the comment at onestop...this is it...
a great start and thanks very much for taking the time to explore and participate….i have just read your suggestions and there are many ideas there that I like….i love the imagery of the deer, the lamb, the orchid…the second stanza you take a more brutal stance to mankind…i like this too…i also like the close with regard to waterloo & alamo being natures resistance…there are far more concrete images which bring the statement much more to the fore….i dont think however you have changed as much of the message as you feel…its still a poem that makes a stand against what mankind can do to the world we live in…but with more punch, kick & bite
i like it…thanks for taking the time Steve…cheers Pete
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