Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Leaving New York

Leaving New York

Walking home, ,
Friday evening of another long week;
in New York we measure misery
in Fahrenheit and empty bottles.
One hundred eighty two weekends lost,
and six more to go before I wash off
this subway grime forever.
Wednesday’s snow has gone grey
and the sidewalks are a slush
puddle slalom and controlled slide.
Fresh bottle in hand, I watched
a small boy with his father in tow.
He ninja kicked his way down the sidewalk,
superhero joy on his face, oblivious
to the city and all of its hard edges.
I wonder if I’m really ready to leave.

, Insomnia fueled,
coffee nicotine run in snow flurries
and a razorblade wind.
Hopeful young women,
Saturday nights make-up smeared
by Sunday morning, stumble out of walk-ups
toward the subway steps.
The city spits them out,
back to Jersey and Long Island,
like gum chewed past the point of flavor.
New York is a ponzi scheme of promise,
reliant on wide eyes and fresh blood.
In the shelter of a doorway I lit my first
and watched the sun gradually burn
its way across Twenty Third Street.
I wonder if I’m really ready
for a lifetime of sunsets.

SMG

18 comments:

Claudia said...

can feel both in your poem..the longing for sunsets and the loss of a city which seems to be close to your heart..

moondustwriter said...

great sensations in this piece - all ones we can relate to

thanks for sharing with One Shot

hope all is well

repressedsoul said...

Heartfelt and sad Steven, think I'd feel similar having to leave my mountains x

Diana Lee said...

I love this, particularly the first version. I felt like I was watching a wonderful mini-film as I was reading. A conundrum of leaving something you love and loving something you've left behind.

Beachanny said...

I like the first version the better. Both are well written but like the summation in the first. It's taxing to confront city life everyday but the rush, the energy, the constant refresh button being pushed is worth the pain - even when the knees say NO. I say stay!

Brian Miller said...

honestly i like the second one,the story telling is much smoother...they both have great textures to them...very nioe

woih said...

I dig the first more. It retains a bit of grit which matches the story and the setting. And it has the invaluable...at the end, I NEED to know more, especially if you leave and where you are going. Great write. Glad I stumbled across ya from One Stop.

hedgewitch said...

Except for the few words you changed in the second--meat for blood, and the very last lines,which were clearer and had more impact in the second version, I think the first take was just more real, got the sense of the writer's feelings across a bit better. The second was smoother and cleaner and might speak to a different, more general audience perhaps. Regardless, I really enjoyed the piece. The line about the girls being gum chewed past the flavor point was classic.

Apryl Gonzales Sweet said...

I enjoyed them both, but the first, I could almost feel the burning of my lungs and the slipping of my feet across the slushpuddle slalom. Well written.

signed...bkm said...

I like the second - like the visual of it and the sound...reminds me more the streets of New York...the stopping for the fresh bottle - a totally different image then already having it...that is the line that stood out for me....bkm

forpuck said...

I think the second is stronger. Tighter flow, a little bit cleaner imagery. Also think that the ending kind of took away from the first two stanzas, which are very strong. Just my two cents...

Shashi said...

I enjoyed it very much...its so beautifully written and very sensitively portrayed.


ॐ नमः शिवाय
Om Namah Shivaya
http://shadowdancingwithmind.blogspot.com/2011/02/whispers-another-kind-of-valentines-day.html

Rachel Hoyt said...

I can't decide which one I like better, but I REALLY like these lines. So sharp and delightfully descriptive. :)

The city spits them out,
back to Jersey and Long Island,
like gum chewed past the point flavor.
New York is a ponzi scheme of promise,
reliant on wide eyes and fresh meat.

gautami tripathy said...

I liked both...


ransom

Steve Isaak said...

At once urban, uncertain (in its change theme - I've been in this situation), relatable. Good piece, good images/metaphors.

Anonymous said...

Ponzi Scheme scheme of promise. Nice!

-blackbird113

Amy everett said...

This is sad because the story of NY is over...... I loved you in NY....your like Mr Big in sex in the city. The powerful sexy smart guy, you just can't picture him any where else

Eden Baylee said...

No...don't go, but I think I know the outcome. Loved all the wonderful words that showed how strongly NYC tugged at your heart.
eden