Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Tides

Tides

We traced the shoreline
with deliberate footsteps
in the failing light.

A pointed conversation,
each solemn word lost
in the crash of the waves;


(The ebb of love
is usually measured
and unperceived;

a gradual retreat
with no regard
for the coming moon.)

and the rhythmic water
eroded all evidence
of what was, as we passed.

SMG

19 comments:

Emily said...

Ah, I love the notion of exploring Tides as love poem, lovely piece... I wrote an expanded series of 10 poems on Tides on my website: www.emilypknight.com

Khakjaan Wessington said...

Hmm, too many judgment words in this one imo. "languid," "solemn" "pointed" are the 3 most dangerous words to your poem imo. Maybe I'm cranky & missing something tho.

I reread a few more times... I think I know what's throwing me off: if I know my SMG poetry, it seems to me that the last stanza would establish more opportunities as the opening than as the close. Ah, but maybe I am judging the poem when I should be observing it?

Khakjaan Wessington said...

Yea, that's the one. Much better!

dustus said...

Succinct stanzas that flow in emulation of successive waveforms. First two stanzas do lull a bit, though seems to me by design, building to the mention of the crash in third. Last stanza is certainly killer.

Reflections said...

The tides ebb representing loves lost, or sadness shared... hmmm. nice.

me_duress said...

Agree with Adam - the last stanza is killer!

iquanyin said...

i think its lovely, and you seem to have caught echoes of what i was feeling when i chose my images.

alotus-poetry said...

"We traced the shoreline
with deliberate footsteps
in the failing light."

I love this verse tremendously. I really enjoyed your poem very much. The poem itself ebbs and flows like the tides.

Thank you for sharing! :)

Andreas said...

I agree with "alotus-poetry": that third stanza of yours really does it for me. Thanks.

Brian Miller said...

nice...i like the close...the waves eroding our passing perhaps in light of the words shared...

Claudia said...

the water eroding all evidence - love your take on the prompt

Jerry said...

It was as if the tide came in with the moon...the great controler of the tides and the two were aware at the end that looking back would do little good. Last stanza cinches the piece.

Glynn said...

You're speaking of love as transient, or a transient kind of love. And you do it very well indeed.

Gracetalking said...

Lovely, beautifully said :)

Shigune Matsui said...

Very cool poem. Here’s mine. http://thelunaticsdiary.blogspot.com/2011/01/searing-eternity.html If you have a twitter, follow me (my username is MsMatsui)!

JL Dodge said...

Well done, I enjoyed the whole piece !

Shewriting said...

nice one!

emmett wheatfall said...

Love this piece. Really like how it began, sustained the middle with a perfect ending.

Junying Kirk said...

Simply beautiful! Love it!