We traced the shoreline
with deliberate footsteps
in the failing light.
A pointed conversation,
each solemn word lost
in the crash of the waves;
(The ebb of love
is usually measured
and unperceived;
a gradual retreat
with no regard
for the coming moon.)
and the rhythmic water
eroded all evidence
of what was, as we passed.
SMG
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19 comments:
Ah, I love the notion of exploring Tides as love poem, lovely piece... I wrote an expanded series of 10 poems on Tides on my website: www.emilypknight.com
Hmm, too many judgment words in this one imo. "languid," "solemn" "pointed" are the 3 most dangerous words to your poem imo. Maybe I'm cranky & missing something tho.
I reread a few more times... I think I know what's throwing me off: if I know my SMG poetry, it seems to me that the last stanza would establish more opportunities as the opening than as the close. Ah, but maybe I am judging the poem when I should be observing it?
Yea, that's the one. Much better!
Succinct stanzas that flow in emulation of successive waveforms. First two stanzas do lull a bit, though seems to me by design, building to the mention of the crash in third. Last stanza is certainly killer.
The tides ebb representing loves lost, or sadness shared... hmmm. nice.
Agree with Adam - the last stanza is killer!
i think its lovely, and you seem to have caught echoes of what i was feeling when i chose my images.
"We traced the shoreline
with deliberate footsteps
in the failing light."
I love this verse tremendously. I really enjoyed your poem very much. The poem itself ebbs and flows like the tides.
Thank you for sharing! :)
I agree with "alotus-poetry": that third stanza of yours really does it for me. Thanks.
nice...i like the close...the waves eroding our passing perhaps in light of the words shared...
the water eroding all evidence - love your take on the prompt
It was as if the tide came in with the moon...the great controler of the tides and the two were aware at the end that looking back would do little good. Last stanza cinches the piece.
You're speaking of love as transient, or a transient kind of love. And you do it very well indeed.
Lovely, beautifully said :)
Very cool poem. Here’s mine. http://thelunaticsdiary.blogspot.com/2011/01/searing-eternity.html If you have a twitter, follow me (my username is MsMatsui)!
Well done, I enjoyed the whole piece !
nice one!
Love this piece. Really like how it began, sustained the middle with a perfect ending.
Simply beautiful! Love it!
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